My Anti-Climactic Milestone

Last weekend at the pool, in response to some of my critical questions about pagan cannibalism and communion, one of my family asked me if I was an Atheist. Yikes!
We were hanging out in the pool. The local preacher lives close by and he was blaring some Old Ancient Medieval Church music and we were commenting on it. Someone said it reminded them of taking communion. I make it a habit of asking critical questions about religion whenever I find the topic comes up but I don't usually give my opinion other than "I don't get it". So, I asked the critical question about the "body and the blood", cannibalism and pagan ritual. That was when they asked me if I was an Atheist. This was a turning point, an engagement that I wasn't sure I wanted to have especially on the weekend in the pool, but to deny it would obviously be lying so I had to "frame it" properly to do damage control. I said
"I don't believe a God Exists".
and they said
"Well, I'm not sure if I do either".
and another said
"Well, I do."
and that was it. We went back to splashing around and talking about summery, pooly stuff. My milestone was surprisingly anti-climactic. I guess I could say it went swimmingly. I think my strategy of asking critical questions and giving them food for thought paid off for me. What a relief. Now I am officially out of the closet.

21 comments:

goprairie said...

Congratulations! And the ease at which your friend admitted doubts shows how important it is to be able to talk about these things. Being part of such a tiny minority and having such harsh judgements made against us can make it hard for people to admit to having doubts, but often, it turns out that more people than we think have questioned these things. And with more support, maybe they would question it more and free themselves of it. Now that you are out, I bet you will get some questions from people who are on the fence and want 'permission' to join you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Goprairie,
thanks,
I swear to you, I'll give them my blessing.

Yoo said...

For some reason, I get the impression that you hoped it would have been much more exciting ... :)

Anonymous said...

Hi yoo,
no, because rejection from the people you love and disappointing them hurts a lot.

Touchstone said...

Lee,

There's a exhiliration in being able to unify the inner self and the outward representation better than you had before, huh? Especially when you get the point of realizing, as you have here, that the Apocalypse isn't going to descend upon the world in response. I'm sure there are tough spots ahead, but it's gratifying to read your account, all the same.

Good on ya.

-TS

Jason Long said...

I'm glad you got that one out of the way. I'm probably going to have to wait until my parents go.

Harry H. McCall said...

Lee,
To quote my religious grandmother:

"Tell the truth and shame the Devil."

Hey, you just killed two birds with one stone. Way to go!

zilch said...

Good on you, Lee. Your experience corroborates what I've experienced: when people connect person to person their friendship is more important than their beliefs.

cheers from sunny Vienna, zilch

Anonymous said...

Lee, isn't it sometimes a bit funny that we fear things that don't materialize?

Yet, it went "swimmingly."

Kudos!

Now that you've stepped out of the closet, walk downstairs, then get a breath of fresh air. It's better over here. ;-)

Rotten Arsenal said...

Yay Lee!

I tend to think that a lot more people would be okay with someone admitting their atheism than we might think. Who knowshow many of us are out there, still going to church even, for fear of rejection by friends and family for admitting the secret. The more people who come out just makes it that much easier for even more people to come out.

Scary Jesus said...

Here's how I did it, I told my parents I worshipped Satan and ate babies. I let them stew on that for a couple of weeks, then I told them I'm no longer a worshipper of the dark lord of the underworld, just an atheist. They threw me a party.

Rowan said...

Within the context of your conversation, it might have been (and would still be) a good question to ask: Well, what do you mean by "atheist?" Because why ask that when you're only questioning the logic of communion/pagan rites? It seems to imply your relative feels atheism = disbeliever. Perhaps what he meant was, Are you a pagan? Anyway, the more matter of fact you are the less reactive people are, which is what you experienced.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rowan,
no she meant atheist because as I said, I critically question all kinds of superstitious things, but especially religious things. For example, my family says the kind of stuff most people say such as they say that god was looking out for someone that narrowly escapes dying and I say if that were the case they shouldn't have been put in the situation in the first place, or when they say they'll pray for so and so I ask, "do you think god doesn't already know the situation and what you want", or they ask "whose going to say grace" and I ask why can't we all just think it independently before we eat, telling them I'm offended by the display of a bloody cadaver on a stick,
etc,
this kind of thing lead to the question about atheism,

Yoo said...

Sorry about my comment if it was offensive. Often my attempts at levity fall flat with my insensitivity, and it didn't help that most of the people around me don't really care about another's religion.

Anyways, congrats for coming out without much fuss and gnashing of teeth! :) It's got to be a relief.

T said...

Yoo,

You definitely do not seem to have have a problem with insensitivity. On the other hand, you may be TOO sensitive to others feelings, but that's a good problem.

Lee,

I so appreciated reading your story. I have loved your posts over the past couple months of how you have got people to think by simply questioning their belief system. It is exciting to see how it is playing out and paying off in your own life. I've been trying to use a similar method, using many of the questions I've picked up from you.

Scary Jesus,

That was absolutely hilarious! I had tears I was laughing so hard.

Anonymous said...

Don't Yoo worry your pretty little head. I was not offended, I know you like a little levity, me too, but I didn't know if you were serious or not about wishing for more excitement.

I used your comment as a rhetorical device to make a point. See how that works? ;-)

We make complementary moves in the game.

Anonymous said...

Hi Toby,
thanks for your comments. Stick around, I am working on my magnum opus with these genesis articles. I am trying to build a reasonably irrefutable case. Not that there aren't already reasonably irrefutable cases, but they aren't mine!

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

It's always good to hear a positive coming out story. Thanks for sharing!

DingoDave said...

Lee,
How long have you been an atheist, and how long did you wait to tell them?

Anonymous said...

Hi Dingo,
I'd say probably since 2002, but the motivation for my deconversion was the claim that the islamic fundamentalists made about 9/11/2001 that Allah had answered their prayers, and I agreed that it sure did look like it. At that point I decided to apply the troubleshooting skills and principles that I use in my job to my belief and it just faded away.

A puzzle helped put it in perspective.

I'm on a road to a city with two different possible directions at the intersection. Two people are there, one always lies and one always tells the truth. You get one question from one of them to figure out which way to go.
The question to either one is "which way will he tell me to go" and then go the other way.

Now add a representative for each religion and a corresponding road and the puzzle is unsolvable.

This was when I realized that all religion was bunk.

I have told a few people explicitly that I knew wouldn't 'freak out' , but for the rest, I just ask them critical questions and say I don't get it. If they ask me explicitly, then I don't tell them I'm atheist (because of the negative connotation that it has) but I tell them that I don't believe that any gods exist. No one has wanted to pursue dialog on that topic afterwards. It just falls away and we move on to other things. And the beauty is that nothing changes. I'm still the same ole lovable lee that I was before.

DingoDave said...

Lee wrote:
-"I have told a few people explicitly that I knew wouldn't 'freak out' , but for the rest, I just ask them critical questions and say I don't get it. If they ask me explicitly, then I don't tell them I'm atheist (because of the negative connotation that it has) but I tell them that I don't believe that any gods exist."

I think that you've taken a very wise approach to broaching the subject. I'm glad that everything went so well for you (so far).

I only wish that I had been as sensitive about expressing my views on the topic with my family when I was younger.

One of my greatest regrets in life is that my mother died grieving over the fact that I had abandoned her faith.
But hey, what is one to do?
A choice needs to be made as to whether honesty is the best policy.
Better for her to have heard it directly from me, than for it to have come back to her by second hand.

As William Shakespeare wrote concerning Polonius' advice to his son Laertes in his play 'Hamlet',
"This above all: to thine own self be true"