Praise God for the Coming Swine Flu Pandemic!

As a bit of sarcasm that Voltaire would appreciate let's all praise God for the coming Swine Flu pandemic! It's been long overdue. A state of emergency has been declared by the US which you can read about right here. On NBC's Nightly News the word pandemic was bandied about as a real possibility.

If the Swine Flu is a punishment sent by God then God's punishments are good, aren't they? We're all sinners so we deserve to drown in our own bodily fluids as our lungs fill up with water, even children, right? People deserve what happens to them because Adam and Eve sinned, or because our parents sinned, or because of original sin (whatever that can possibly mean in this context for children). God's goodness and glory are displayed in the sufferings and deaths of its victims along with the grieving surviving family members. In any case, it's disasters like these that God sends to draw people to him, sort of like beating your wife in order to get her to love you, right? God is perfectly good. Glory be to God! He always does that which is perfectly good. So this is not a tragedy, not a disaster, not an "evil". This is all good! Praise God! Evil is nothing but a privation anyway, according to Augustine. It doesn't really exist!

In addition, the Swine Flu can be considered as a perfectly good divine method of population control. Every once-in-a-while God just has to do this because populations get out of hand and because of this they might upset the so-called perfectly fine tuned ecosystem he created. Never mind for a moment that a more humane way to control population is to control our sex drives, or female ovulation cycles, so that we don't even have a population control problem in the first place. And never mind that there is no reason for a miracle working God to be concerned with such a fine tuned ecosystem when he could sustain the world and control population growth by means of several perpetual miracles such that the coming Swine Flu isn't needed at all in his perfectly good plan. No, God knows what he's doing and his ways are the very best. We cannot even fathom how good God's ways are since he's omniscient and knows best. He has perfectly good reasons why he remains hidden. We know this by faith because we certainly cannot figure it out using the rational powers he created in us even given his perfectly good revelation in the Bible.

Anyway, those damned Catholics are not really Christians anyway, so the Swine Flu started in Mexico where it belongs. No wonder they don't have divine protection. We know that our version of Christianity is true because we were born into it. But wait, it's infecting Protestant Evangelical Christian America too? Oh well, forget about the facts. Who needs facts when the high road is to have faith? And any true Christian who dies in this pandemic will go to heaven anyway.

Besides, Jesus told us that when we see such things we should look up into the sky dome of heaven and be thankful, for this is yet another sign that Jesus is coming. Just ignore the many other pandemics that took place, like the Spanish Influenza outbreak of 1918 and the failed apocalyptic predictions that came with it of the end of the world. In fact, let's hope and pray things get worse because we'd rather be in heaven than here on earth. And ignore also the fact that if the world comes to an immediate end there are still billions of non-Christians who have not yet been reached with the saving knowledge of Jesus, many of whom could still be reached if God grants them more time. Ignore also that these people will burn in hell forever. God's patience cannot last forever. Who cares if he calls a halt to this world whenever he does? I don't. I only care about me. I want to go to be with God soon, today if possible. The people who wind up in hell deserve what they get, even those who die in this coming Swine Flu pandemic. Let them burn. I'm just thankful that in God's graciousness toward me he didn't end the world before I got saved. Isn't God so full of it [grace]? It's simply amazing!

So let's thank God and do nothing to prohibit the Swine Flu from spreading because it's God's will. And let's look to the sky for Jesus and help raise money for doomsday ministries that tell the world of the coming disaster upon the heathen, atheists, homosexuals, criminals and child molesters for whom this disaster is being sent. We'll be raptured out of this mess, and even if not, his grace is sufficient for us. We know where we'll go when the time comes.

Be thankful and praise God in all things!