Easter Sunrise Blasphemy

It's Easter today and that means countless Christians will be at their respective houses of worship praising and thanking the god that made them for sending Jesus Christ to die on the cross for their sins and for his being raised from the grave. You may or may not be planning to attend one of these pagan put-ons known as Easter sunrise services, or like me, you may actually despise them. Either way, I want you to hear why I feel the way I do.

I hate Easter. About the only thing I love around this time of year are those discounted chocolates in pretty-colored packages that are on sale in the stores. But that's it. I hate everything else about it. The cool weather leaves and the warmer weather comes. What's to like?

I hate that it's a holi-(read “holy”)-day. To me as an atheist, this is a red flag reminder that society is still not above having holy days—days with vile histories that have been exalted by blood god worshippers through the centuries who possess the arrogance to think that the world would end without their putrid, bloody offerings. It’s sick, I tell you!

Add to that, Easter time means that the religious nuts can't help but wear their nuttiness on their sleeves with their nauseating talk of alters and blood and redemption and how worthless and worthy of burning we humans are. It's creepy stuff!

Actually, I agree with Christians that the human race is worthy of burning, but for different reasons. The human race may be a pitiable race that should be reduced – along with our planet – to a burned-out cinder, but that’s because we are brutal and cruel and egotistical enough animals to not know when to shut up about how awesome we are as a race and how great our planet is, not because our original parents offended one of the blood gods.

Easter means I have to see those big, “in your face” banners that spread across intersections and streets that advertise these sacred bunny events, and that means more people are out and about shopping. But the restaurants I love will be closed! That frustrates the hell out of me (or hell into me, depending on how you look at it.) Sometimes, I swear up and down that this is how Jeebus is getting back at me for defecting!

And am I the only one who finds it odd that Jesus Christ's religion condemns most sex and all pornography and yet embraces symbolism with a holiday that identifies with worship of an ancient fertility goddess? Worshippers of Diana used to get together at the temple and get naked and fornicate in the name of God like...rabbits!

That settles it. God is a hypocrite, probably with his own stash of porn. Or maybe he just watched humans have sex in olden times, but has since been trying to beat his addiction with the help of Christ. Could be.

Then there are the radio broadcasts and telecasts of emotional preachers who have to remind everyone with emphatic, high-pitched voices that a dead guy came to life on a certain day and how that event long ago will someday help us. But it hasn't helped us yet. None of our friends and loved ones and family who died in war or of cancer or Legionary’s Disease have come out of the ground yet. They're still there, but that shouldn't surprise us. Religions are big on making big claims, including impossibly big claims like the dead being raised to life.

The Bible has made this claim before. Just look. Matthew 27:52, “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose.” Did this really happen? If it did, wouldn't we have evidence for it? I rest my case. Religion is bogus. Christianity is bogus.

But what's the real import of this holiday? Like Christmas, it's not really spiritual. It never was. Spiritual is a man or a woman who tells the truth even though doing otherwise would not result in being caught. No religion can claim a monopoly on virtues. Holidays are about feeling satisfied, about gluttony, about materialism. They are also about piety—Saturnalia style. It gets back to man being happy. It's hedonism, but with a mask on. What a shame!

All this oohing and ahhing to a ghost, all these churches filled with believers, all these prayers and colored baskets of eggs and pretty banners and billboards that say “He is risen” won't move God to rid the world of a single evil. It won't stop lunatics from shooting up malls or post offices. It won't stop one child from dying of starvation or dear sweet Aunt Olga from dying of breast cancer. And all the church-sponsored Easter egg hunts in the world won't cause God to bless one infertile churchgoing couple who can't have children of their own, and it won’t stop unfit parents from doing the naughty and having more kids they can’t take care of.

I'm going to be sleeping in this Easter like I have for the last seven. Together with my cozy bed and the internet, I'll make it. These big bags of chocolates will help!

(JH)

17 comments:

Russ said...

Joe,

You're holding out on us. What do you really think?

Russ

Kenn said...

Why must atheists hate religion?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, you wern't clear enough. Are you saying you like Easter?

Randy said...

Why must atheists hate religion?

As a rule, I'm not sure if we do. Personally, what I hate is having other people's religion shoved in my face.

In the U.S. Christian holidays are way more prevelant than should be in a secular nation.

On the other hand, Jewish holidays much less so, Muslim ones even less so and all others not at all.

What if instead of all of the stores putting up Halloween displays this year (NOT a religious holiday, but a harvest holiday, but still) every department store in America puts up a Eid Ul-Fitr display. You don't think that would get Christian undies all up in a bunch?

Tyro said...

Thinking of Easter rants, did anyone notice that Colbert had Bart Ehrman on his last show? Even though Colbert is, in real life, a practising and active Catholic he's also the author of the hilarious "This Week in God" segment on "The Daily Show" and had had a surprising number of atheists & sceptical voices.

Signs that even the religious believers see the weirdness of their religion and encourage a secular alternative, or just one aberrant (if public) voice?

Anyway, good for Dr Ehrman & Colbert for a very un-Christian segment going into the holidays.

Steven Bently said...

This is the time of the year that xtians will be pretending to drink the blood of jebus and eating of his flesh...and thinking all along it's a very honorable and sane thing to do.

What they should do is get real human blood and real human flesh and make the xtians drink and eat it to show their true devotion to the xtian cause, of course I'm sure most xtians would gladly go through with the ceremony, unless it was a an unclean "sinner's blood."

I sincerely doubt that 99.9% of xtians are unaware that they are symbolically practicing cannibalism.

A barbaric and mentally insane ritual.

Richard T said...

As a sceptic or an unbeliever, I don't hate anyone nor do I hate religion. I might dislike its effects but as its contradictions give the scope for so much innocent amusement, it is hard to hate it. Besides if it gives comfort without harm then it is quite reasonably best left in that context. I am however always bemused as to why when you question belief it is taken by believers as hatred. If their beliefs are so ill founded as to be unable to take a little examination without crying you hate me, then perhaps they might just look at themselves and why they are unable to defend what they believe without crying foul.

Incidentally, I've never quite sorted out why the birth of Christ is celebrated on a fixed day but Easter wanders around according to the rising of the moon. Perhaps both are related to their pagan origins!

Sunny Skeptic said...

I am going to go to the laundromat to wash my cat's beds and window perch cover. I don't want to wash it at home and get cat hair in my washing machine. :) Happy Easter!

On Smash said...

As an atheist I love Holi-Days especially when it's a day-off like Christmas.

Skeeter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I've started a new family tradition; I watch Monty Python's "Life of Brian" with my kids on Easter Sunday...;-)

Mary said...

God Bless all you disbelivers,you get to have it both ways.You expound your wholehearted,anti religous beliefs,and still the faithful pray for your redemption.Good deal if you ask me.Jimmybear.

Tyro said...

Since prayer is pointless at best and irritating at worst, I don't see that as being helpful.

I wonder that you didn't admire the way Christians get to have their rituals observed by government holidays and yet still allow them to act like poor, wounded martyrs. There's a two-fer everyone can enjoy.

goprairie said...

ah, cadbury creme filled eggs . . .

Joe E. Holman said...

Mary said...

"God Bless all you disbelivers,you get to have it both ways.You expound your wholehearted,anti religous beliefs,and still the faithful pray for your redemption.Good deal if you ask me.Jimmybear."

Yes, so good and kind of you to BEG your god to keep him from torturing us. Kudos.

(JH)

Carbon Based said...

"Mary said...

"God Bless all you disbelivers,you get to have it both ways.You expound your wholehearted,anti religous beliefs,and still the faithful pray for your redemption.Good deal if you ask me.Jimmybear."

Curious why does "Mary" sign her posts as "jimmybear'?

Seems like gender confusion to me. ;)

Christian Agnostic said...

You left your faith behind, but it seems you have embraced fundamentalism all the same...all this talk of "blood Gods". If you were so happy you would show more equanimity, I think.