"Help! My Daughter's Marrying a Black Man!"

By Pastor Ed Lowman

Since May of 2006, Pastor Ed Lowman has shepherded the Aryunder Baptist Church in Aryunder, Tennessee. Since before that time, the native South Texas pastor spent time in Iowa, Maryland, and different parts of the nation ministering the Gospel of the Kingdom of God.

Having become very well known for his self-published Christian How-to pamphlets, we present one of them here, re-published with permission from the Jesus Saves Bible and Tract Society...

So, your precious little girl has grown up to be a mating, blood-dripping machine known as a woman? That is hard news to handle since God thinks less of baby girls than he does of baby boys (Leviticus 12:2,5)…

“Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks.”

But now you learn that your daughter has upped and gone about to marry a man without your parental approval. I cover that in my pamphlet “When The Sow Don’t Ask Permission” and I offer steps on how to correct the problem. But right now, we’re dealing with a bigger problem—your daughter is fixing to marry a black man.

Don't just be ashamed of your daughter. Be ashamed of yourself for not taming that thoroughbred like the Bible says you should have done (Proverbs 22:6). You, as the parent, decide who your little girl marries, not her (I Corinthians 7:38). Maybe the liberal, secular authorities got you thinking otherwise, but God's Word hasn't changed one bit. So after you repent for falling short of God's Glorious Word, pick yourself up and move along and continue reading.

First, accept the bad news. Your daughter isn't coming back conjugally to the white race again. “Once they go black, they never go back,” as the saying goes. The Bible confirms this when it states with God-sealed inspiration that Negro genitalia is superior to the rest of humanity’s…

“Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.” (Ezekiel 23:19-20)

We do not know why God has endowed the darkies with huge dongs, but in His infinite wisdom, He decided to give his Caucasian servants packages that are only a little further along than the Burmese whom God has been cursing with natural disasters since 2004. What God has given He has given.

That your daughter wants to marry a black man is not good news. No self-respecting white Christian who respects their race in keeping with Genesis 9:25-27 would be happy with even partially darkie grandbabies. And no Christian wants to get together at Thanksgiving with a cursed descendant of Ham at the dinner table asking to pass the mashed potatoes and gravy. Moving on.

Second, appear to be supportive. When your daughter announces that she's found herself a minority, act supportive. However the news gets back to you, appear enthused even though you are crying inside.

Third, invite the young buck over. Tell your pumpkin…insist, rather…that you must meet the guy. Don't take no for an answer, and don't buy into that “oh, we're not that far along yet” garbage. Invite him over ASAP. Just remember to put away any valuables you have out and have 911 on speed dial.

If you have trouble getting him over there, offer to cook collared greens and fried chicken or barbeque. That should do the trick. Failing that, offer a free set of 20-inch rims. Then it’s a done deal.

Fourth, once he arrives at your house, ask your daughter to give you a minute with the lad. If she feels too nervous for that, snatch him away when she ducks out to use the lady’s room. Use this opportunity to ask him about a business proposal, but tell him not to tell your daughter about it, but to meet with you privately the next day.

Fifth, meet with him discreetly at a classy restaurant and pay for his meal. Make him feel like he is a high roller. It is here that you are going to offer him a financial settlement to leave your daughter and walk away forever. How much you offer depends upon how much the Lord has blessed you with.

Because he is black, he will probably take the money and split, but just to ensure that he does, offer half of the money up front and the other half six weeks later when you have established that no contact has been made behind your back. If you still find him a hard sell, offer him a free Biggies Smalls or Mike Jones CD. No black can resist those.

Sixth, contact some of our Godly friends and affiliates from the Bush Administration to hook you up with under-the-table wire-tapping to make sure their relationship has been severed. Once you see to it that no contact has been made, you can offer him the rest of the money. By then, both of them will have grown apart and the spark of ungodly love will have died. Praise Jesus!

Be advised that it may take some time to build a working relationship back up with your daughter, but it was worth it. We cannot disrespect our Godly race and heritage.

Seventh, and finally, pray to the Lord above that our African lugger never comes back. If he does, you must consult Chapter 4 “When Blackie wants it The Hard Way.” Sub-paragraph 6 goes into bodyguard stand-in requirements and locating a nearby lake. Sub-paragraph 9 deals with acquiring a 50-gallon drum.