A Pop-Quiz for Christians, Number 8

Dealbreakers in the Bible  

Based on my own experience—I was pastor of churches for nine years, and have authored two books critical of Christianity—I’m pretty sure of this: devout folks don’t want to think too much about issues that can undermine their faith. Which means that reading the Bible is almost a No-No. Because there is so much in scripture that should prompt educated people to say, “Well, that can’t be right.” There are so many deal-breaker texts, just in the gospels. So in this Pop-Quiz for Christians I want to focus on some of these really embarrassing texts. How can the faithful read, study, reflect seriously on these patches of scripture—and not head for the exit?

 

Every one of the questions I’ll pose has to do with texts that belong in dystopian fairy tales or science fiction. If the faithful saw them depicted on the big screen, most of them would laugh off these absurd scenes and sayings—and might even object to them for being in such poor taste. 

 

But, hey, my Christian friends, these are in your Bible, which your theology claims was inspired by god. A word of caution: as you try to explain these texts, it’s a sign of weakness to resort to the standard dodges or excuses, e.g., it’s a metaphor, god works in mysterious ways, look for the symbolic meaning, rather than taking it literally. 

 

Please deal honestly with these texts.

 

Question One:

 

Do you accept or reject Matthew 27:52-53 in your understanding of Christianity? Can you explain why Matthew included this story? Here we read that, at the moment Jesus died:

 

“The tombs also were opened, and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised. After his resurrection they came out of the tombs and entered the holy city and appeared to many.”

 

Question Two:

 

Mark’s gospel could be subtitled, Jesus and the Demons: Mark portrays Jesus as an exorcist, most dramatically in Mark 5:1-20. Please read these verses carefully, critically, analytically. List a few ways in which they are an embarrassment to Christian theology.

 

Question Three: 

 

How is this not the biggest deal-breaker of all? Jesus-script in Luke 14:26 has caused no end of anguish for Christian theologians and preachers. They hope that most of their faithful followers don’t know it’s there—and indeed many don’t:

 

“Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”

 

Caution: please don’t say “Jesus couldn’t have meant that”—because that answer is based on wishful thinking. It’s better to tackle this verse from another perspective: why would Luke report that Jesus said this? 

 

Question Four:

 

Now read John 6:53-57. In this Jesus-script, we read that eating the body, and drinking the blood of Jesus is a way to get to live forever. This text probably gave rise to the Catholic concept of transubstantiation, i.e., during the “miracle of the mass,” the cracker and wine become the real body and blood of Jesus. Read these graphic verses carefully, critically. How is this not a marker of dystopian fantasy: eat a god and get eternal life? 

 

Question Five:

 

In Acts 5:1-11 we find a depiction of life in the early church. We read that a couple, Ananias and Sapphira, upon selling a field, didn’t give all the money to the church, provoking the fury of Peter. He confronted Ananias (v. 3): “…why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back part of the proceeds of the land?” Ananias dropped dead on the spot, and was buried right away. A few hours later, Sapphira showed up and got a similar severe scolding—and she dropped dead too. No surprise: “And great fear seized the whole church and all who heard of these things.” (v. 11)

 

Is this any way to run a church? Why did the author of Acts offer no hint of criticism of Peter? Is this story compatible with your understanding of church life?

 

Question Six: 

 

The apostle Paul was one of the heroes of the early church, and his Letter to the Romans was ranked by one devout scholar as “the first great work of Christian theology.” Yet in its opening chapter (vv. 29-32), Paul became unhinged when he thought about sinners:

 

“Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, craftiness, they are gossips, slanderers, God-hatres, insolent haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, rebellious toward parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. They know God’s decree, that those who practice such things deserve to die…”

 

What? Gossips, boastful people, and rebellious children deserve to die? There are so many examples of Paul’s bad theology in Romans—and in his other letters. Are you able to fit this text into your understanding of how Christianity is supposed to work? How would you do that? 

 

Answers and Comments

 

Question One, Matthew 27:52-53. This story is not found in the other gospels, nor did any historians of the time report what would have been a sensation: newly alive dead people walking around Jerusalem. But Matthew frequently indulges in fantasy; he was writing propaganda for his cult, so what actually happened didn’t matter at all. There is magical thinking here: when Jesus died, bodies in tombs came alive, then on Easter morning—when he resurrected—they walked around the city. Maybe Matthew was counting on the wow-factor here, but this embarrassment adds nothing to Christian theology. Nor does Matthew describe what happened to these newly alive corpses—probably because he wasn’t interested; follow-up might have diminished the wow-factor. Did they return to their tombs and die

again? Artist James Tissot’s 1896 painting shows the shrouded corpses floating around the city. Biblical literalists who claim that this really happened aren’t doing their faith any favors by embracing this deal-breaker. Since, apparently,  Mathew made up this tall tale maybe—oh dear—the same is true about the resurrection of Jesus.

 

Question Two: Mark 5:1-20. This episode—Jesus transferring demons from a man into a herd of pigs—perfectly reflects ancient superstitions: the spiritual realm swarms with angels and demons, including Satan, the chief demon. Catholic theology joins in the superstition by adding to the mix thousands of saints who hear prayers. Jesus had come from this realm, hence the demons know who he was. Here mental illness is assumed to be demon possession, which begs the question why an all-knowing god—in a book designed to help humans—would allow Mark 5:1-20 to promote this misunderstanding. It would seem that Jesus used a magic spell, whereby he gave the demons permission (v. 13) to enter the pigs. And what drama! The 2,000 pigs ran off the cliff, fell into the sea and drowned. No wonder the folks in the region asked Jesus to leave! (v. 17) From Mark’s perspective, this story gives a boost to his Hero the Exorcist. But Christian theology should learn to get along without demon superstitions. Taking this story literally is a deal breaker. 

 

Question Three:  Luke 14:26. The positioning of this hate-your-family verse helps us see why Luke included it, since it comes after Jesus’ Parable of the Banquet. Here we’re told that, at the last minute, people invited to a dinner offered excuses for why they couldn’t attend. So the host ordered his servants: “Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.” (v. 21) The point seems to be that health or social status didn’t matter to the early Jesus cult: you were welcome. But one thing that was not tolerated was divided loyalty. This rule has always been standard policy with cults, so it’s hardly a surprise that Luke would stress it as well. Of course, it won’t do today, especially for a religion that claims to champion family values.  It’s no use trying to wiggle out of the plain meaning of the text. Yes, the Greek word for hate, miseó, is right there. One way out of this awful embarrassment is to admit that we have no way at all to verify any of the supposed words of Jesus in the gospels. We have Jesus-script created by the gospel authors. But there it is—in red letters no less in some translations—which is enough to get the Bible tossed out. Luke 14:26 is a major deal breaker.

 

Question Four: John 6:53-57, eat Jesus’ flesh and drink his blood—to get eternal life. Of course there are other New Testament texts that suggest this isn’t true, but we’re used to the theology inflation we find in John’s gospel. In Matthew 19:21 we find Jesus-script about selling possessions and giving to the poor, to “find treasure in heaven.” And in the Last Judgement scene in Matthew 25, showing compassion is the key, while failure to show compassion will get you tossed into eternal fire. By all reasonable standards, John 6:53-57 is bad theology heavily tinged with magical thinking: the flesh and blood of Jesus have become magic potions: “eat this, drink that—and presto—you’ve won a seat in heaven.” It’s simplistic nonsense, which isn’t erased by adding elaborate ritual, i.e., the Catholic Mass. When I was a kid, growing up in the Methodist church, we had communion Sunday once a quarter. We used bread and grape juice as symbols of Jesus’ body and blood. Without noticing that it was a ghoulish thing to do. 

 

Question Five: Acts 5:1-11, in which we read that Peter was furious because a couple kept some of the money they got from selling a field—instead of giving it all to the church. They both dropped dead upon hearing his scathing tirade. The author of Luke also probably wrote Acts, so we’re not surprised by the cult fanaticism found here as well. Give everything to the church, even as you hate your family. But it would seem that Peter ignored the advice he got from Jesus in Matthew 18:22, i.e., to forgive people seventy-times-seven. Jesus-script created by Luke collides with Jesus-script created by Matthew! Acts 5:1-11 reflects what I call totalitarian monotheism: god watches everything you do, so keep in line, or else. Now, of course, the church can’t grab everything: it has to settle for the ten percent tithe. There’s no hint of criticism of Peter in this text, despite the ending: “great fear seized the whole church.” If this were church policy today, a lot of folks would head for the exit. 

 

Question Six: The Book of Romans 1:29-32. On Paul’s good days, he could say that “love is patient and kind,” but a careful reading of his letters shows that his good days were outnumbered by his bad days. He was convinced that his god’s default emotion was wrath (see Romans 2:5-8 especially). And when he got triggered, he fumed, hence this raging text in the first chapter of Romans: even rebellious children deserve to die. The gospel of Matthew was written long after Paul’s time—and in any case Paul shows little awareness of the teachings of Jesus—so he was not influenced by the Jesus-script in Matthew 18:22 about forgiving seventy-times-seven. The Book of Romans has had high impact on Christian theology, and is one of the most intensely studied documents in Western history. No doubt it has fueled so much pious rage against the “ungodly”—after all, the faithless are among those who deserve to die. But this is not the way to make the world a better place. I’m at a loss trying to figure out how this text can fit into a compassionate version of Christianity. Paul was so wrong about so many things. Just stay away from him, or read his letters to find more reasons to head for the exit. 

 

I’ve just scratched the surface in this exploration of dealbreakers in the Bible. There are 1,001 embarrassing Bible texts, which keeps the apologists busy. Dr. Jaco Gericke speaks the truth: 

 

“If you read the scriptures and are not shocked out of all your religious beliefs, you have not understood them.” (p. 137, The End of Christianity, edited by John W. Loftus)

 

 

 

David Madison was a pastor in the Methodist Church for nine years, and has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University. He is the author of two books, Ten Tough Problems in Christian Thought and Belief: a Minister-Turned-Atheist Shows Why You Should Ditch the Faith (2016; 2018 Foreword by John Loftus) and Ten Things Christians Wish Jesus Hadn’t Taught: And Other Reasons to Question His Words (2021). The Spanish translation of this book is also now available. 

 

His YouTube channel is here. He has written for the Debunking Christianity Blog since 2016.

 

The Cure-for-Christianity Library©, now with more than 500 titles, is here. A brief video explanation of the Library is here.