The Best Cure for Christianity Is Reading the Bible, Essay No. 5

The Book of Acts, chapters 1 – 5: Our Jesus Cult is the RIGHT Cult
 

Among Bible-reading church-goers, I suspect that the gospels get more traffic than most of the books of the Old Testament. They also probably avoid the letters of the apostle Paul, which are not easy reading: sometimes his theology, his claims, can be confusing, even alarming, leaving devout folks puzzled. I wonder, however, if they venture into the book that follows the gospels, The Book of Acts—that is, the Acts of the Apostles.
 
 
I am planning several essays on Acts. By no means do I intend to write an exhaustive commentary in these essays. In Joseph A. Fitzmyer’s massive book on Acts (in the Anchor Yale Bible series), he devotes 150 pages to the first five chapters. 
 
My purpose is to draw attention to episodes and claims in Acts that even devout churchgoers would find farfetched, indeed unbelievable. Anyone who reads Acts with curiosity and critical thinking fully engaged can perceive that it has far too many defects. Yes, it can serve as a cure for Christianity: “How, why in the world, should I take this patch of scripture seriously?”  
 
There is a consensus among Bible scholars that Acts was written by the author who created the gospel of Luke. The introductions to both indicate that they were for the benefit of a man named Theophilus. From a careful reading of Luke and Acts, it is not hard to see that the goal of both these books was to promote the Jesus cult. Moreover, the historical goofs are easy to spot.
 
The ascension of Jesus to heaven
 
When we read the final chapter of Luke’s gospel (24), the author indicates that the ascension of Jesus to heaven took place the same day as his resurrection. But when we turn to Acts 1, we read that Jesus didn’t ascend until forty days later. This is a contradiction, of course, but the critical flaw here is the very idea of Jesus ascending to heaven. 
 
This fantasy is based on the naïve, faulty view of the Cosmos that the Bible authors assumed was true: that the earth—which they did not know was a planet—existed below the vast realm of the gods, i.e., above the clouds and below the moon. Humans ventured to mountain tops to get as close as possible to gods. Thus Moses went up a mountain to received his god’s commandments, and Jesus went up a mountain for his transfiguration. During which, by the way, he was visited by Moses and by Elijah, who had been carried to the heavens by a fiery chariot.  
 
Christians need to seriously contemplate the implications for their faith if Jesus never left planet earth. Anyone who takes Jesus’ resurrection seriously has to wonder what happened to him after that—and why the New Testament authors were not honest about it. Of course, their minds were locked into mythologies and superstitions, so they saw no problem with Jesus disappearing above the clouds. The apostle Paul was obsessed with the belief that, within his own lifetime, Jesus would descend through the clouds to establish his kingdom. Even dead Christians would emerge from their graves to meet Jesus “in the air.” For his description of this event, see I Thessalonians 4:13-17.  

 
But—back to the realm of reality—if Jesus didn’t leave the planet, what happened to him? There’s no big mystery here: the resurrected savior died again. Unless fanatical Christians want to claim that their Jesus is still wandering around somewhere. 
 
The author of John’s gospel wrote that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, thus giving him the occasion to proclaim, “I am the resurrection and the life.” (John 11:25) But nothing is mentioned about what eventually happened to Lazarus. Presumable he died again. The author of Matthew’s gospel claimed that, when Jesus died on the cross, many people came alive in their tombs, then toured Jerusalem on Eastern morning. He doesn’t bother to explain when happened to them after that. Did they just head back to their tombs and die again? 
 
Given our knowledge of the realities of space, just a few miles beyond the earth’s atmosphere, a human body could not have survived there. And it’s not the realm of gods. I’m not saying that the New Testament authors are guilty of a coverup—what really happened to Jesus —given that their minds were locked into mythologies and superstitions. They may have sincerely believed that their holy hero had joined a god in the sky. 
 
Even so, this is a huge stumbling block for Christian theology today. 
 
The crucial importance of the resurrection is nullified when we accept that Jesus died again. And how exactly does believing in a resurrected human body mean that the believer gets eternal life? This was a vital idea for the apostle Paul (Romans 10:9). The author of John’s gospel mentioned an additional requirement: eating the body and drinking the blood of Jesus (John 6:53-58). There is far too much absurd theological guesswork going on here, totally lacking in reliable, verifiable, objective evidence. The tall tale in Acts 1—Jesus floating up above the clouds— damages Christian faith far more than it helps. 
 
The holy spirit cancels language barriers
 
In Act 2 we read that the disciples were gathered together in one place:
 
“…suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability.” (Acts 2:2-4)
 
It seems that there were a lot of people from various locations, e.g., Mesopotamia, Egypt, Parthians, Medes, Rome—and they all heard the disciples speaking the word of god in their own languages. This was possible because the disciples were filled with the holy spirit. Peter explained to the crowd: “This Jesus God raised up, and of that all of us are witnesses. Being therefore exalted at the right hand of God and having received from the Father the promise of the Holy Spirit, he has poured out this that you see and hear.” (vv. 32-33) This is more cult promotion, and we can recognize that it derives from magic folklore: a holy spirit invaded their brains and enabled them to speak in foreign languages.  
 
Peter and John heal a crippled man in the temple
 
In Acts 3 we find the story of a man lame from birth asking Peter and John for alms. 
 
^“Peter said, ‘I have no silver or gold, but what I have I give you; in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, stand up and walk.’ And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong.” (3:6-7)
 
Later in the chapter Peter makes points for the Jesus-cult: 

“Repent, therefore, and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord and that he may send the Messiah appointed for you, that is, Jesus, who must remain in heaven until the time of universal restoration that God announced long ago through his holy prophets.” (3:19-21) 
 
This is extreme cult craziness. Jesus is waiting around in heaven? For 2,000 years now? —which, of course, the author of the gospel could not have imagined. Unspeakable suffering, wars, and atrocities have occurred in this period. What does it take for a god to decide it’s time for “universal restoration”? 
 
In Acts 4 we find Peter and John again arguing with religious authorities. We find more cult promotion. Referencing the lame man they had healed in the temple, Peter declares:

“…let it be known to all of you, and to all the people of Israel, that this man is standing before you in good health by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead. This Jesus is ‘the stone that was rejected by you, the builders; it has become the cornerstone.’ There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among mortals by which we must be saved.” (4:10-12) 

Our cult is the right one!

The couple who died because they defied the apostles
 
At the end of chapter 4 we read that the Christian cult held property in common: “Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common.” (v. 32) Devout folks sold their possessions and gave all the money to the apostles, who tolerated no cheating on this matter. In the first ten verses of chapter 5 we find the story of Ananias and his wife Sapphira, who sold a piece of land, but didn’t give all the money to the apostles. When Peter scolded him for this, Ananias dropped dead on the spot. When Sapphira showed up later, she too dropped dead when Peter told her about Ananias. The story concludes with this report: “And great fear seized the whole church and all who heard of these things.” (v. 11) 
 
The lesson here: the cult does not tolerate divided loyalties. 
 
Later in chapter 5 we read that the apostles were arrested by the religious authorities and thrown into prison. But during the night, an angel of the lord opened the prison door and allowed them to escape. Yet another proof, apparently, that the Jesus cult was the one most favored by their god. 
 
It’s also worth noting, finally, that a popular form of magic spell is prominent in Acts—and is practiced by the devout to this day. When I was growing up, it was common to end our prayers with the words, “In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.” Did we think this would make a difference? That our god would be more inclined to answer our prayers if we begged him in the name of his son? Nobody grasped that evoking the name of Jesus was actually the use of a magic spell. In the first five chapters of the Book of Acts, there are eleven references to the name of Jesus, which no doubt have helped to boost its status as having special powers. 
 
Please, please, PLEASE, devout churchgoers: read the Bible with eyes-wide-open—and, for a while, set aside the teachings of your clergy, who are propagandists for the Jesus cult. Be determined to learn, to see the Bible for what it really is.  
 
 

David Madison was a pastor in the Methodist Church for nine years, and has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University. He is the author of Ten Tough Problems in Christian Thought and Belief: a Minister-Turned-Atheist Shows Why You Should Ditch the Faith, now being reissued in several volumes:
·      Guessing About God (2023),
·   Ten Things Christians Wish Jesus Hadn’t Taught: And Other Reasons to Question His Words (2021). The Spanish translation of this book is also available. 
·    Everything You Need to Know About Prayer But May Not Want to Admit (2025)
 
His YouTube channel is here. At the invitation of John Loftus, he has written for the Debunking Christianity Blog since 2016.
 
The Cure-for-Christianity Library©, now with more than 500 titles, is here. A brief video explanation of the Library is here.