Showing posts with label Silly Sayings of Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Silly Sayings of Jesus. Show all posts

Silly Sayings of Jesus: Don't Worry About Food or Clothes.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"                 Matthew 6:25-30 (ESV)
Really Jesus? Paris Hilton could have come up with something more sensible than that steaming pile! I mean, maybe you were doing that whole new-age guru, Deepak Chopra on Ecstacy thing… Pretty, birdies and flowers… bliss out baby! Sorry to harsh your buzz, but your words ring hollow in countries where sad-eyed children with arms like sticks, are starving to death. Try spouting your platitudes to a desperate mother who doesn’t have enough nutrition in her emaciated body to breast-feed her starving infant. “Life is more than food…”? Uh, no. If you go very long without food, life goes away. It’s called being dead. And clothes? Well, fashion isn’t important in the overall scheme of things, but a warm jacket can be helpful in not freezing to death in the winter.

Silly Sayings of Jesus: Like Little Children

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3
Well Jesus, this was silly because you revealed too much (kind of like a magician telling how he does his tricks). A childlike mentality, and childhood conversions are the fuel on which Christianity runs.

Kids are trusting, uninformed about life, and unskilled in the art of reason. The line between fantasy and reality is blurred for children. It’s not unusual for them to have invisible friends, which makes them perfect victims for spiritual salesmen!

Silly Sayings of Jesus : Now You Are My Friends

I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.
John 15:15 (NLT)
Okay Jesus. So at first glance, this sounds kind of cool. You were telling your disciples that they got a status upgrade - promoted from your slaves, to your friends! Now I’m sure that being your slave was pretty cool and all, but seriously, who wouldn’t want to be in the Friend Zone with Jesus? Instead of slaving away to fulfill your whims and orders, they could hang out and be buddies instead. And, you're telling them the top-secret communications which you receive from your Sky Daddy!

Unfortunately, you kind of killed the moment, by saying this, just before you made the big announcement:
You are my friends if you do what I command.
John 15:14 (NLT)

Silly Sayings of Jesus: Tearing Out Eyes and Cutting Off Hands.

If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Matthew 5:29-30 ESV
Really Jesus, you managed to pack so much silliness in these few sentences that it’s hard to know where to start! In fact, it goes well beyond silliness – perhaps ridiculously irresponsible would be a better description. Surely if you were God – all-knowing and wise – it might have occurred to you that encouraging people to pluck out their eyes and cut off their hands (even if you intended it metaphorically) might not be the best idea? Didn’t you realize that mentally unstable people might act on your words? Not very prudent of you to put those ideas so carelessly out there, now was it?

Silly Sayings of Jesus: God Decides, Sparrows Die.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:29-31 (NIV)
Nice try Jesus*. I suppose you meant this little ‘gem’ to be comforting, but I have to say it fails badly.  This is just the sort of ridiculous, crappy platitudes that many of your followers spout whenever bad things happen.